She still thinks it's her birthday

Well, y'all. I'm sorry if I made you cry on my last post. That wasn't my intention at all but judging by the amount of texts and emails telling me so, I guess I was way too sappy.

But you should probably now I was near tears the entire time I wrote it so I was right there with you.

We had a wonderful day celebrating Madeline. It started with presents on the table and a giddy girl in a nightgown. She got chalk from her brother and writing items from Joe and I.

The girl is like her momma and loves fresh journals, paper, folders and pencils.

We ate pancakes and watched Disney Junior in the big bed. (I may or may not fell back asleep during Doc McStuffins.)

Then we got ready for the day and drove off to our first destination.

I planned a couple things for the day but didn't tell Madeline until right before we were about to do one. We got in the car and I handed her a card. It was a mailer from the library, reminding her that she could get an adult library card when she turned six.

This girl has been SO looking forward to getting "a real card."

So we went to our branch and were so happy to see our favorite librarian working. She got Madeline her new card and she immediately wanted to check out Brave and horse books. 

(And no one was surprised.)

Then we got back in the car and I had her open a small paper sack. It was filled with her favorite snacks: rainbow goldfish and GoGo Squeez. We told Madeline we were heading to Noblesville to go picking at the antique mall.

It was a beautiful day. I love downtown Noblesville. We parked on the square and let the kids run around in the courthouse green. It was just one of those moments I want to always remember.

We headed into the antique mall where:
1. Madeline would have made Mike and Frank very proud
2. Madeline wanted to buy everything she saw.

At 12:25 p.m., I snapped this picture of her. She was officially six years old.

Then we walked over to an ice cream shop for lunch. It was burgers and mini corn dogs served in red baskets and a little girl who very studiously wrote down her favorite ice cream flavors in her new journal.

She picked Super Friends flavor which tasted like bubblegum and had about four colors in it. She also talked to my dad on the phone in her super-animated way and, again, no one was surprised.

We were pretty exhausted so we drove home and Caleb fell asleep in the car. After a rest time that I regretted not napping through, we got back in the car for another stop. But as we were pulling out, we experienced the best Hunley Holler.

Our friend Ryan works down the street from us and if he drives by while I'm outside, we call it a Hunley Holler.

Well, he drove by right then to deliver a huge Oreo cupcake to Madeline with a transcribed note from Addie. Friends really are the best, aren't they?

Then we were off to our last stop: Madeline's favorite hardware store, Sullivan's. We got popcorn and wandered through their gift store while Joe picked out tomato plants.

On our way home, we got drinks at Starbucks (clementine Izze for Madeline, iced coffee for Joe and me and ice water for Caleb). Joe and the kids planted the tomatoes while I "cooked" dinner. 

(Madeline requested mac and cheese which is why I needed to include quotation marks. I feel a little guilty how easy the dinner was.)

Then it was dessert time. We did blindfolded sundaes and I cannot recommend this enough. It was hilarious for all involved.

Of course, my photo storage maxed out when I tried to capture it so it's only the beginning. But you have to believe me that it got much stickier, much messier and much more hilarious as the sundae was built.

Even Joe and I did it.

Whipped cream flew everywhere.

Caleb did not complain.

Madeline turned six and no one complained. We love that little girl.

She's six

Dear Madeline,
Today you are six. I can't believe it's actually here. I've been simultaneously dreading it and looking forward to it. You are so excited for everything today means: the balloons, Daddy taking the day off, the presents, the surprises and more.

In the morning, you'll eat Daddy's pancakes on the "You Are Special" plate. We'll do some fun surprises I've planned for the day. We'll eat your requested mac and cheese for dinner. It will be simple but special. 

It's your birthday and we'll all be together, my favorite thing to do.

Every time I hear "This is the First Day of My Life" by Bright Eyes, I think of the afternoon you were born. Something in my heart shifted when I saw your face for the first time. My favorite line is "Yours was the first face that I saw // think I was blind before I met you." That's exactly how I felt, like I had never seen a person or color or beauty before. I saw your face and was forever changed.

My second favorite line is "I'm glad I didn't die before I met you // but now I don't care I could go anywhere with you // and I'd probably be happy." After you were born, I can remember thinking, "This is what it means to say, 'I could die happy.'"

You weren't, aren't and never will be a perfect person. Please never believe that we expect that of you. BUT you are the perfect gift to Daddy and me and we are so, so incredibly thankful.

This was the year you became hilarious like it was your job. You've always been funny but I don't think I've ever laughed so hard as I have the last twelve months. For example, last week, you said, "Mom, there are two types of fire. There's one when your house is on fire and then there's when you're really rocking it." 

Oh baby girl, you're on fire all the time.

This was the year you stepped up as Big Sister and I couldn't have survived without you. When Caleb is upset, you always know what he needs and how to soothe him. He loves your lap as much as mine. He was fussing tonight as I was trying to cook dinner and even thought you were in the middle of an art project, you stopped, got his favorite books and read to him, all without me asking. Thank you for loving me and him well. 

I've always prayed you would have a tender heart and I see it shine when you're with your brother.

This was the year you became Merida. From the moment we bought your Merida dress, you wanted to wear it constantly. When I bought it for you, you were so excited that we paid for it, changed in the Target bathroom and then kept on shopping. I just couldn't deny you that thrill. Then there was the Merida bear. Goodness, you carried that psychedelic bear everywhere with you.

And let's not even get into your Merida toy collection, blanket, bow and arrow set, coloring books...

This was the year you fell in love with "Fire Burning," "Ho Hey" and "10,000 Reasons." When we're driving around, you always ask to listen to one of these songs.You and Caleb especially love "Ho Hey." You sing the words and he grunts the hos and the heys. The first time I heard you both singing the duet, I thought I was going to run off the road from laughing too hard.

And then there was the time you told me you couldn't understand "Fire Burning" because of "all the Spanish."

This year, you lost teeth, grew inches, carried a purse everywhere and taught me so much about grace and kindness and love. 

This year, I taught you to read but you taught me to see beauty everywhere. 

This year, we've laughed together, cried together and asked each other for forgiveness. 

This year, our days were heaping piles of berry parfaits, books, back-scratching, giggles, questions and music. 

This year, I spelled a million words for you but you know how to spell "I love Mommy" by heart and constantly heap little, scrawled love notes on me.

There is no other way I'd want to spend my mornings, afternoons and evenings than with you. 

Madeline, you are a joy. You are a gift. You are my beautiful thing given by God.

Mama loves you and I know you'll rock 6. 

"I belong with you

you belong with me

you're my sweetheart"

When years slip away like water

I stumbled across this photo tonight while searching on the computer for something else. I'm honestly not sure if I had ever seen it before and it kinda took my breath away to look at those people.

Those tired people had no idea what was in store for the months ahead. They were just thinking about their love for that bundled boy and ready to get home to their girl.

They didn't know about the upcoming reflux cries, the hospital stay or the sleepless nights which would last a year before that baby would sleep through until morning.

They didn't have a clue how wonderfully different he would be from his older sister.

They didn't know how their love for him would change them.

They didn't know how he would turn them more and more to the Lord as they try to figure out how best to parent him.

They didn't know that tiny guy would turn into a marker-kissing Cheeky Magoo just 18 months later.

Madeline is turning six next week and that number is messing with my heart. 

Six seems old. 

Six is tying laces and sleepovers and a two-wheeler named Shimmer flying down the street.

Six is the loss of the baby face.

It just doesn't seem like it took six years to get to this point.

With beauty and starkness, Jen said six is one-third of the way done and that truth puts an ache in my heart.

I know they're a gift from God. I know I need to hold them loosely because He's the only one who holds them firmly. I know my job is to raise them to be thriving adults.

But tonight I selfishly want to just raise kids who stay squishy, fat-thighed and soft-skinned kids forever.

I'm not ready to be a third of the way done. I've made so many mistakes and need to do so much better. I want to hit pause while I figure out myself before I leave lasting marks on them. 

But that's not how it works.

I don't know what's coming in the next 18 months or six years but I'm thankful that God does. I'm putting all my fragile eggs in His basket and trusting Him with my babies.

"To the glory of Him and the ruin of me..."

Creating my summer bucket list with KidVentures

Here's the skinny on me and summer: I like air-conditioning. I love seeing the beautiful outdoors... through a screen. When faced with a trip to a park or the library, I always pick the library.

Since becoming a mom, I've tried to push myself to go outdoors more because I want my kids to love the outdoors (and I also love a house that stays cleaned up longer than five minutes). I've gotten a little bit better, thanks to friends like Jenn and Jaime who practically live outdoors in warm weather, but when I start thinking about the family summer bucket list, the list is more heavy on the "eat slushies" kind of items than "play outside" ones.

So I made it a goal to be more intentional about getting outdoors in a park or the pool this summer. And that's definitely a fool-proof plan because we all know how well resolutions stick...

But then I found out my friend Jen was writing an e-book, "KidsVentures: 50 Outdoor Experiences of Childhood Discovery" and I felt like the clouds were parting and angels were singing.

Y'all, I listen to every word this mom says because she parents quadruplet boys with grace and adventure. Her approach to motherhood is non-fussy, flexible and fun. She embraces and encourages her sons to be rough-and-tumble, get-in-the-dirt boys who are polite and hilarious and oh, so lovable.

Madeline is in the same class with Jen's boys and she loves them to pieces.

(See what they're doing at my house? Playing inside, on the couch. SOS.)

I read Jen's book last night and immediately added it to my Kindle on my phone so I would have it everywhere I go this summer. Her ideas are easy, playful and perfect for even my girly-girl. Jen gives so much detail that I know I have no excuse not to pull these off. 

(A zipline for toys? I'm envisioning a swinging Merida being hoisted up in the near future.)

If you're creating your family's summer bucket list or need some ideas ready to answer the "I'm bored" line in a couple weeks, get a copy of KidVentures for just $5.

And then tell me to get off the couch.