Dear CVS "toilet paper,"
When I perused the aisles for a CVS-brand filler item, I spied you perched lonely on the shelf. I was thrilled to bring you home for free and I was proud of my decision. I chose a family necessity rather than my weakness in a bottle (cucumber-scented lotion).
But "toilet paper," you disappoint me. If you were created to be a prank rather than a product, consider yourself a sterling success. If your goal in life is to drive weak, doubting people back to their first love of Charmin, then you can reap your reward. Were you always meant to be 0.273 of a ply or did someone fall asleep at the factory on the day you were created?
Joe says you're worse than cheap gift tissue paper and I have to agree. I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings, but you hurt my bum. And there's no need for that.