Put me in, coach

Sadly, Little Fussy Man is still making appearances around these parts.

Some days are better than others and some...well....just aren't much fun until he falls asleep. Little Fussy Man exerts a cry that exhausts me completely in just five minutes and makes me want to cry too. 

Actually, forget "want to cry." I frequently cry right along with him.

This was earlier today:

This was after 45 minutes of not being able to calm him down and I needed to tap out. 

Too bad Joe was at his office and couldn't declare "you've been fathered" to me.

But then this afternoon, we enjoyed a lovely walk around the neighborhood and Caleb was smitten with the outdoors. 

He fell asleep on my chest and then slept two hours once we got back to the house.

Big nap? Hood with ears? Day redeemed!

This evening, he and I headed over to the hospital for a sleep study. Because of some of his breathing issues, our doctor wants to know if he is experiencing sleep apnea.

He was all smiles as we watched George Clooney on "Inside the Actor's Studio," waiting for him to be hooked up to the monitors.

Of course I couldn't capture the smiles on camera but they were radiant and he was making my heart melt.

But then came the monitors and out came Little Fussy Man. Or rather, Little Ticked Off, Madder than a Hatter Man.

It was not pleasant. It wasn't fun for anyone. I wanted to tap out again.

It's 11:54 p.m. and he finally stopped shuddering and fell asleep.

Turtle, I'm sorry you don't feel good and have to scream. If I could take it away, I would.

I hope you know that I love you when you're screaming and I love you when you're cooing. 

I love you when it's sunny at 1 p.m. and I love you when it's pitch-black at 3 a.m. 

I love you when you spit up again on my third shirt in just one morning and I love you when you sit there and stare at me.

You are worth it all. You are incredibly worth it all. I will not and could never tap out on you.

A girl's view of her daddy

To understand this conversation, you need to know two things.

1. Joe plays on a non-competitive basketball league through our church. In Madeline's eyes, he's a white LeBron James in a blue t-shirt.

2. Caleb is going to stay overnight in the hospital tomorrow for a sleep study and I'm staying with him the whole time.

Madeline: "I'm going to miss you. I wish you could stay home with me."

Me: "I know, honey but I'll be back before you wake up. Plus you get to stay home with Daddy!"

Madeline (whispers): "Wow. The basketball guy."

P.S. Sometimes I think Joe and I are practically one person, our interests and passions aligning and merging into one goal, one future. 

Other times, I remember we are drastically two very different people.

Friday mail falls into the latter category.

I could eat this weekend with a spoon

We had a weekend that my dreams are made of. It was so perfect that I'm not even going to correct my flawed preposition.

Madeline spent Friday night with her Uncle Jon and Aunt Janna. Their Christmas presents are experiences instead of things and this year, they took her to Disney on Ice. Janna texted me this photo.

The jury is still out if she had fun or not.

Then it was back to their house for a sleepover. Or, more specifically, a sleepover in their bed. Because this little girl loves to cuddle and they have a hard time saying no even if their niece thrashes in her sleep like a killer whale chasing a minnow.

Joe and I remembered how life was with just one kid, specifically just one baby. We picked up Boogie Burger and cream soda and hopped in bed to catch up on Project Runway, Top Chef, It's a Brad, Brad World and The Soup. Caleb slept the whole time and never once asked for a fifth glass of water.

Have you had Boogie Burger? I dream about those fries.

On Saturday, we did nothing but relax and lounge around and then relaxed some more. Joe and Madeline watched "This Old House" while I finished "Peace Like a River." 

You guys. I can't wait until January 2013 to tell you that this book is awesome. As I was reading this novel, I really really liked it. But then I read the last six pages and, oh my, I cried and fell IN LOVE with this book. Oh yes I did.

Back to Saturday. I spent the whole day in my pjs until I decided to shower at 5 p.m. I only did this because I needed to enter the World of Other People to grab the third season of Parks and Recreation before the library closed at 6 p.m.

Even though it was late, I felt like cooking a big meal and made a rare weekend feast of Caribbean jerk chicken, roasted asparagus, rice and French bread. (We normally eat sandwiches or quesadillas for dinner. Or cereal.) Even though we ate at 8 p.m., it was worth the wait. Madeline insisted on putting candles on the table and turning off the lights which just bumped the meal up to complete awesomeness.

All four of us went to her room to read another chapter of "Little House on the Prairie." I would love to see a Pa versus Jason Bourne match-up.

Then there was today. Before 7:15 a.m., I had already fed a baby, fed a 4 year old, started spicy pop pulled pork cooking in my slow-cooker and finished my BSF study for the day while Madeline read her library books next to me. It was one of those mornings when everything went perfectly and I felt like a woman who had it all together. 

It lasted 45 minutes but I'll still claim it.

We even made it to the 9 a.m. service and walked in JUST AS THE MUSIC STARTED. You guys. We always, always walk in at least one song late, even when we go to the 11 a.m. service. More proof that this weekend was perfection on a stick.

We came home and exercised our right as parents to make our baby lip-sync to Louis Armstrong.

Handsome doesn't even touch these two.

 We spent the day reading, watching football, eating pulled pork and napping.

Then Joe made popcorn on the stove and we had a dance party.

I so badly wanted to pick up the messy room before I took photos but hey. This is real life and I think I should captured it how it is, not how I want it to be.

Because real life is pretty sweet.

Even with a yellow plastic bag hanging on the swing.

And what did the other male our house think of all this hullabaloo? Well, he was thoroughly entertained.

Wouldn't you be amused too?

So Caleb got in on the action while Joe apparently wanted to wish world peace upon everyone.

They were dancing to a Seeds CD. We bought all six volumes as one of Madeline's Christmas gifts and I just love them. All the lyrics are taken directly from the Bible. One of my favorite songs is Psalm 46:1-2.

God is our refuge and strength

an ever-present help in trouble

Therefore we will not fear,

though the earth give way

and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea.

I love hearing Madeline sing these songs, knowing she's memorizing Scripture. I love singing them, knowing I'm repeating God's Word. I can't recommend these CDs enough.

They also make for some pretty killer dance parties.

Now Madeline's in bed, Caleb's about to wake up to eat one last time and there's still more pulled pork and sweet rolls and I'm waiting for this overtime game to end so I can watch a "Sherlock" episode with my husband.

Perfection on a stick. 

Monday, you're gonna be rough.

We got smiles and almond milk over here

The only way I can think of starting this post is by sharing that I have discovered the joy that is "Parks and Recreation" and it's currently making my life complete.

Which is good because my life does not have cream cheese and butter so it was slightly lacking before Leslie Knope waltzed into my television screen.

I'm still going dairy-free because Caleb is doing much, much better and we're getting lots of smiles like this.

You know the phrase "nothing tastes as good as skinny feels?" Well, that is a lie because peppermint hot chocolates, salt and vinegar chips and double-stuffed Oreos are DELICIOUS. But I discovered that "nothing tastes as good as a non-screaming baby sounds" is an absolute truth.

Also, I'm pretty sure eliminating dairy will bode very well for my New Year's goal of losing weight. I had no idea how much I snack and graze during the day until now because I can't eat my favorite foods. Or basically anything in the cupboards.

It really hasn't been as bad as I thought. (Although watching Leslie constantly eat the whipped cream off her coffees makes me weak in the knees.) I do miss dairy but my personality has always been better at "elimination" than "moderation."

Tell me I can't have any dairy and I'll whine but be fine.

Tell me I can only have three crackers with a cream cheese-based dip and I'll lose complete control and end up licking the bowl.

But enough about me and my love affair with all things dairy.

Have you ever seen anything this cute? 

What about now?

I know. The adorableness factor is out of control.

4 years and 2 months

(I looked back through my draft posts and saw this little gem back in July, hence the title even though Madeline is much closer to 5 than 4 now. I don't know why I didn't publish it; I think it has to be shared.)

Me: "What do you want for breakfast?"

Madeline: "Toast, pie and pickles."

Me: "No. That's not a good breakfast. What do you want?"

Madeline: "OK. Pie and pickles."

I watch lots of TV but I do still read

Last January, I saw that some of my favorite bloggers have an annual tradition of listing all the books they read the prior year and sharing their favorites. I had never really thought about keeping track of what I read but it made total sense for me because when someone asked for a book recommendation, I typically can't thing of anything. Even the last book I read.

So this year, I kept a running list of the books I read, whether I enjoyed them or not.And it was very interesting to go back and read through the list. Clearly I read mainly fiction but I think it's interesting that most of my favorite books were non-fiction. Maybe I should pick up biographies more often.

Sidenote: I did not include books I read last year that I had previously read. Some people don't understand rereading books but I love to read my favorites over and over again. Which explains why I reread the entire Harry Potter series (again) and Pride and Prejudice among other books this year.

If you are looking for any recommendations, these were my top five favorite reads last year:

What's So Amazing About Grace by Philip Yancey

I hardly ever buy books and instead just use the good ole library system. But if I read a really, really good book, then I have to buy it because I like to read my favorites over and over again. (cough cough Harry Potter cough) After I read this book, I immediately bought it and read it again just so I could highlight and mark up my own copy. I filled my journal with quotes from it. I wanted to discuss it with anyone else who had read it. I explained entire chapters to Joe. (I was a bit obsessed with it.) If you only read one book this year and want my input, pick this one up. And then call me to discuss it.

Choosing to SEE by Mary Beth Chapman

I love this book because I want to live my life with faith like Mary Beth. She has taken crazy risks and accepted challenges throughout her marriage because she trusts God in the big things and the little things. When I finished reading, I thought, "this is how I want to mother." She loves her kids hard. Her perspective on adoption and grief challenged my own perspective and as soon as I finished reading, I immediately recommended it to several friends so I could discuss something of her thoughts with them.

Why I Stayed by Gayle Haggard

I have to include this book in my top five because months later, I still think back to it when I'm dealing with some people and situations. Gayle Haggard is the wife to pastor Tim Haggard, who was the center of a gay sex and drug scandal back in 2006. In this book, she articulates why she never thought about leaving her husband. Her view on grace and forgiveness blew my mind. Just writing this recap of it makes me think all over again how I view God's grace and forgiveness.

The Hunger Games trilogy by Suzanne Collins

Even though I kept hearing about this series, I didn't want to read it because a) I'm not into futuristic plots and b) kids having to kill other kids doesn't appeal to me. At all. But when I finally picked it up, I was gripped and read all three books within four days. So, yeah. It's pretty good. If you want to read it, just clear your schedule ahead of time.

The Other Boleyn Girl by Philippa Gregory

Yes, I realize reading this book in 2011 makes me nine years late for the party since it was published in 2002 and was a super big hit and all. But you guys. This book is soooo good, all 672 pages of it. It was one that made me miss the characters when I finally finished it because I felt like they were part of my life. (Too much honesty?)

Katie's 2011 Book List

Crazy Love by Francis Chan

What's So Amazing About Grace by Philip Yancey

Something Borrowed by Emily Giffin

The Associate by John Grisham

The Other Boleyn Girl by Philippa Gregory

Water for Elephants by Sara Gruen

Outlander by Diana Gabaldon

Gift from the Sea by Anne Morrow Lindbergh

Hinds' Feet on High Places by Hannah Hurnard

Choosing to SEE by Mary Beth Chapman

One in a Million by Pricilla Shirer

The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest by Stieg Larsson

The Girl Who Played with Fire by Stieg Larsson

The Mother Tongue by Bill Bryson

Uncharted TerriTORI by Tori Spelling

Mini Shopaholic by Sophie Kinsella

Millie's Fling by Jill Mansell

Bossypants by Tina Fey

The Diana Chronicles by Tina Brown

The King's Speech by Mark Logue and Peter Conrad

Morning Glory by Diana Peterfreund

The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins

Catching Fire by Suzanne Collins

Mockingjay by Suzanne Collins

Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert

One Thousand Gifts by Anne Voskamp

Why I Stayed by Gayle Haggard

Bringing Up Girls by James Dobson

Miss Julia Throws A Wedding by Ann B. Ross

Something Blue by Emily Giffin

Unplanned by Abby Johnson

What Women Fear by Angie Smith

From This Moment On by Shania Twain

The No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency by Alexander McCall

Grace for the Good Girl by Emily Freeman

The Pioneer Woman: Black Heels to Tractor Wheels by Ree Drummond

Because lists are easy

I eluded Joe and Madeline's stomach bug all week but it finally caught up with me. I've been up since 1 a.m. but I can't complain since I managed to grab an incredibly restful and healing one-hour nap this afternoon. Joe thinks I'm enjoying this sickness since I watched three episodes of "The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills" during the night.

(He's almost right. Camille is cuh-razy and incredibly entertaining because she's just so unbelievabe.)

So here's a list of everything on my mind right now.

1. Caleb's fussiness is turning into a more permanent house guest (much like Cedric in Beverly Hills) so we went back to the doctor today. Thankfully he's still gaining weight despite some pretty weak-sauce feedings so we upped his medicine and I'm going dairy-free for the next two weeks to see if that helps.

My first reaction to no dairy was "Oh, OK. No big deal." And while I'm willing to do anything for my baby, I've been realizing all afternoon...um... I really love dairy.

Because, you guys. I eat it in every meal. All. The. Time.

I slathered all Mexican dishes with sour cream and Monterey jack. I only like pasta with heapings of mozzerella or ricotta. I like both my eggs and toast to have butter. I will only drink tea with half and half or cream.

But to decrease the screams, I'll eliminate anything. I just need you to hold my hand for the next 14 days.

2. Sometimes parenting makes me feel like a flake. I've cancelled on so many friends and get-togethers during the last two months. I know everyone understands but it still bothers me. I'm guessing this doesn't end until the kids become adults.

3. Madeline is super inquisitive about Joe's job. She asks me frequently what daddy's doing at work and I normally say that he designs parks because it's the simplest answer for a very misunderstood profession. Then one day while talking to Joe, she said, "Daddy? You know how you design parks? I don't know what that is. What is design a park?"

So he took her to work for a morning.

But after spending time in the office, I still don't think she knows what design a park means because it has nothing to do with watching cartoons.

4. Because I just can't move on, I checked out "Friday Night Lights" from the library. As in the book. It's interesting so far but I still miss Coach and Tami Taylor.

5. A new year makes me feel so hopeful and inspired with a clean slate and fresh start. So far, this feeling has come out in a purging craze. When it comes to anything with sentimental attachment, I kinda border on hording.

Confession: I haven't gotten rid of any of Madeline's clothes. Like, from newborn until now. But I decided that if baby number two was a boy, I would go through the clothes and force them from the basement.

Yesterday (before my insides decided they wanted to be on the outside) I went through three tubs, two laundry baskets and three trash bags of girl clothes and filled eight trash bags for donation. I allowed myself to fill only one tub with Madeline's clothes. I actually did it and looking back, I wish I had eaten a stick of butter in celebration because I didn't know then it would be my forbidden fruit today.

Up next: the toy situation. Which means I'll emerge in 2013 because wowzers. It's bad.

6. Our Christmas tree was thrown away last week but the rest of our decorations are still up. Don't judge me. They might be up until Valentine's Day.

You've been fathered

I want to write this post as quickly as possible. I've been wanting to blog all week but was too tired every evening. Tonight is a perfect time to write because Joe is hanging out with friends and both kiddos are sleeping and it's only 8 p.m.

BUT, I also have four episodes of "Tori and Dean's Home Sweet Hollywood" just begging to be watched. So, write quickly I must.

It's been quite a week. It's one of those weeks where I feel I have nothing to show for my time except two kids who are still alive at the end of each day. That counts for something, right? Joe and Madeline got hit by a stomach bug over the weekend so Madeline stayed home an extra day from preschool. She was grieved to discover the next day that she missed a snowman craft.

Ya'll, this girl loves her some crafts. I don't have a single crafty bone in my body so I immensely grateful when her very thoughtful teacher gave me three paper plates stapled together and a baggie of ribbon and buttons for Madeline to make her snowman at home. 

Because my idea of a crafty snowman involves printer paper and crayons, a far cry from ribbon and buttons and glue.

The real story this week is this guy, Touchdown Turtle.

I mentioned before that Caleb is a noisy, messy little dude. Even in the hospital, he was a noisy breather and when he eats, it can be heard throughout the greater Indianapolis area.

Well, last week we noticed he was having a hard time breathing so I took him in to see the doctor. The pediatrician wanted Caleb to be seen by an ENT who diagnosed him with laryngomalacia. In short, the insides of his esophagus are floppy, causing obstruction of his airway and reflux issues.

It's a common condition, resolves on its own by 18 - 24 months and shouldn't be an issue for him if we keep him upright as much as possible and get the reflux taken care of with some antacid medicine.

Now I think we can all come together and admit I don't handle medical issues with ease and dignity. I come from a long line of overreacters and that gene definitely did not skip my DNA.

So the whole "obstruction of his airway?" Yeah, that kinda made me blink a couple times.

(Also, I made the grave error of watching Natalie Portman's "The Other Woman" a couple weeks ago and had no idea it centered on a newborn who died from SIDS. I sobbed while clutching Caleb. Mothers of small babies, DO NOT WATCH THIS MOVIE. You have my permission to watch it later in life but, for the love of all that is fluffy and cheery in life, do not watch it now.)

I just have to remind myself that there are million worse pediatric conditions and diseases and my baby is FINE.

The worse part is that the medicine takes a little while to kick in and help with the reflux and Caleb sometimes has a hard time eating and breathing at the same time. This makes Little Fussy Man appear. 

And when Little Fussy Man is around, the whole house is sad.

Little Fussy Man is rarely captured in pictures because I focus instead on getting him to calm down. But sometimes, the legend, the myth, the Little Fussy Man is captured.

Exhibit A: Christmas morning with my in-laws

Everyone looks happy and cheerful, right?

Take a closer look. Little Fussy Man came out.

He's had a couple of rough nights this week but the silver lining is I'm completely caught up on this season of "The Real Housewives of Atlanta."

Thankfully, Madeline is totally unfazed by his bouts of unhappiness. I keep waiting for her to get upset by the screaming, feel jealous I'm spending a lot of time caring for him or demand more attention. But she's a rock star big sister and I'm so proud of her and incredibly thankful that she has handled this transition so well.

My poor tired brain can't think of any examples but she has made me laugh so many times this week. Her sense of humor is just killer and with her looks and brains, she's a triple threat.

As for the title of this blog post? Many, MANY times this week, I've tried to calm Caleb down by doing everything I can think of. The second Joe takes him, Caleb immediately calms down.

Then Joe looks at me and declares, "You've been fathered." I'm not sure if that's enjoyable to anyone else but it makes me laugh every time.

And then I go to Caleb's room, close the door and sob in the rocking chair, wondering why I can't calm my own flesh and blood.

(I'm totally kidding about that last part. I don't sob in the rocking chair. Sometimes I cry on the floor while holding his blankie.)

Here's hoping the weekend is filled with merriment, cream soda and naps enjoyed by all.

Christmas and then some

We had a wonderful Christmas and New Year. I just love spending time with my family and I love holidays. I don't want it to end and, thanks to the stomach flu for Joe, it kinda feels like it's not ending tomorrow because he's staying home one more day. 

Yay for me! (Worst wife ever, I know.)

When I last left this blog, we were doing something like this:

 

I like that this photo makes it look like we visited a sweet little corner tree stand with sweet bulb light strands. 

It's actually just Lowe's. Just the place where you can build stuff together. They have cheap trees.

Since then we turned that tree into this:

This was Christmas morning. I wanted one picture of my two adorable kids together. Instead I got my four-year-old and an angry elf.

Right now, the tree still has lights and ornaments but it's also incredibly dead. We should throw it away but despite the brittle needles and fire hazard status, the lights at night are still my favorite.

(I'm also still listening to Christmas music. I have a hard time letting go and moving on.)

Back to Christmas morning. We don't have many good shots of all the action and this one is terribly blurry but I love the emotions in it.

She and I love to talk and get excited. I love the quote "we could talk or not talk for hours..." but for Madeline and I, we always have something to say.

We opened our stockings, opened our presents and ate a big breakfast before heading out to grandparents' homes for the rest of the day.

Trying to do our own family Christmas morning plus hitting up both of our parents' homes makes for one long day but it's so worth seeing everyone. 

However, we do sleep very, very well that night.

And I know the photos don't show it but I promise Joe and Caleb were present on Christmas. Promise.

When people ask me how Madeline feels about Santa Claus, I want to whip out this picture of when Santa arrived Madeline's preschool:

She believes. Oh yes, she believes.

We got our first real snowfall last week.

Madeline thoroughly enjoyed it.

I was thankful Caleb was passed out in a deep nap so I could spend some good (but chilly) time with my girl.

Back inside, Madeline has been loving all her spoils/gifts from her very loving grandparents, aunts and uncles.

I had to snap this picture because this was Madeline's lemonade stand. She wanted Joe and I pay with her library card and each time we made a purchase, she asked for our email address and phone number. This girl knows how the checkout process goes when shopping.

Please note the ginormous coloring HOUSE in the background which takes up a third of our living room. Also? She's reading the Lifesavers box. LOVE. HER.

Caleb's been doing pretty well. He had a checkup just before Christmas and keeps gaining weight like a champ.

I'm convinced Turtle stores it all in his cheeks.

For the first time ever, I did not stay up for midnight on New Year's Eve. I've always watched the ball drop and since I've known Joe Mayes, I've always gotten a kiss at midnight.

But I just didn't have it in me this year. Everything started out so normal. Joe and I had our traditional NYE cheese fondue, peppered salami, sushi and Pinot (which I sadly didn't drink this year). We watched "The Bourne Ultimatum and started an episode of "Midsomer Murders" which should have taken us well past midnight. But at 11 p.m., Joe turned to me and said, "I think bed sounds better." 

And I totally agreed.

After I drank my prune juice and smeared some Ben-Gay, I checked my phone during Caleb night feeding and found a text message from my mom. She texted me at 12:15 a.m. to wish us a happy New Year. 

That's right. I got shown up by my mom. Not only did she stay up way later than me, she was awake and alert enough to text. It's a sad state of exhausted affairs over here. But hey, we felt great when we woke up on Sunday morning. 

Totally worth it, prune juice and all.