30, bacon and triple salchow dreams

Back in March, I wrote a couple posts detailing everything I did during the day. It took about 30,000 words because my brain doesn't recognize brevity.

But thanks to the Olympics, I can tell you everything I did yesterday in six sentences.

8 - 10 a.m. Woke up, made the kids breakfast, steam-cleaned the floors.

10 a.m. - noon Watched the Olympics.

Noon - 1:30 p.m. Made the kids lunch, read "Anne of Green Gables" while M colored, put kids down for nap.

1:30 - 5:30 p.m. Watched the Olympics.

5:30 - 7:30 p.m. Ate dinner and took a family walk.

7:30 p.m. - 1 a.m. Watched the Olympics.

I'm not exaggerating. Sure, I did productive things while watching TV like sorting and folding laundry, organizing the endless paper pile and cleaning around the house. 

But Madeline and I literally watched the Olympics for hours.  

And then Joe came home and we literally watched the Olympics for hours.

I'm not a fan of daytime television (except for my beloved Judge Judy which, sadly, I haven't watched in a long time). I'm not a person who can just have the TV on in the background. I (normally) make sure Madeline gets very little screen time during the week.

But this year, I feel like I just can't watch enough of these games. With my pint-size best friend during the day, we're yelling and cheering on the kayakers. We're rooting for the tall and powerful volleyball players. We're learning the rules of water polo. 

And since we're approaching the two-week mark of our quarantine, I'm completely fine with endless daytime TV watching.

Then there was today. Joe turned 30. The London Olympics are the 30th games. It was meant to be: The Mayes 30th Olympic Games.

Madeline and I took the idea and ran with it. I think we tied for who was most excited.

When Joe came home from work, the Olympic rings were on our front door. We had a birthday sign, balloons and the night's schedule in the front room. The event line-up was:

• balance beam (Made out of ribbons and masking tape in the hallway.)
• balloon beach volleyball (It's volleyball. With a balloon. Pretending to play in sand. Madeline and I totally practiced our skills during the day.)
• gymnastic jumping (Madeline lined up Caleb's stacking toys and we jumped side to side over them.)
• soccer (Unfortunately, threatening clouds rained out this event.)
• kick the can (Results with homemade ice cream in a coffee can.)

The winner would be bestowed with Madeline's preschool Indian medallion necklace. She was a participant but also head judge.

After a sweat-filled battle of skill and effort, Madeline declared Joe the gold medalist. I wish I took video of him bending down so she could hang the necklace around his neck.

I just have to say Joe is the best father and husband for going along with our game. I would have loved to give him a trip for his big birthday. Or buy an awesome bike or kayak. Or some technology with a little "i" in the name. 

Instead, I gave him the Mayes 30th Olympic Games and he toed a ribbon balance beam and dismounted with enthusiasm. 

I love this man more than I can express.

In true Olympic spirit, we ate like champions. I totally overplanned the menu. Too much food.

Bacon-wrapped water chestnuts.

Loaded potato skins.

Honey chicken skewers with fresh pineapple, red peppers and sweet onions.

Mixed greens salad with THE salad dressing.

French bread.

Katy's AMAZING vegan chocolate cake.

Kick the Can ice cream.

Then, with very fully bellies, we watched the ripped abs of swimmers and tiny, muscular bodies of gymnasts. We watched the Citi commercial in which athletes state their sacrifices to get to the Olympics. 

"I haven't ordered dessert in two years." 

"I haven't watched TV in months."

With a belly full of BACON-WRAPPED WATER CHESTNUTS, I realized, deep down in my soul, I have absolutely nothing in common with Olympic athletes.

But that chocolate cake sure tasted fantastic and I'm still never giving up on my dream to be an ice skater.

In the wise words of Lionel Ritchie, "Hello!" (Is it me you're looking for?)

I could try to recapture what all has gone on this week and take you through the details of what we've been up to. But it really can be summarized pretty briefly:

• Madeline has been sick for 10 days and counting.
• Caleb woke up every hour, every night for most of the week and fussed like it was his family duty during the day.
• I AM SO VERY VERY TIRED.

Yup, I think that about sums it up. The days have been long and to top off this super fun week, I still haven't seen two "Big Brother" episodes or "After the Final Rose." But the true crisis occurred when, after avoiding any whisper of a Bachelorette spoiler for weeks, I didn't realize the finale was Sunday night and and Monday morning top headline on People.com ruined it for me.

Utter sadness, folks.

So let's focus on the positive. Like the Olympics! Caleb is crawling! Madeline continues to say "stolers" instead of "thieves." I ATE CREAM CHEESE!

#1: the Olympics. Everything I've previously written about my love affair with the Olympics is still true.  

They still totally cramp my bedtime.  

The Olympic commercials still take advantage of my tired, late-night watching and make me cry every time. (That post made me cry just now because I said I couldn't imagine Madeline going off to kindergarten as she's about to start this fall!!)

Watching professional athletes still makes me want to bake sinfully-delicious desserts. I know how gross that cake looks but I can still remember how good it tasted.

But this year we have a 5-year-old who is so excited to watch it all with us. Seriously, kids make life so much more fun. Especially when you're watching fencing and a little voice wonders why the people are going to stab each other. (Should have prepared her for that one.)

And our weekend consisted on nothing but watching every single minute it was on. And if you aren't on Twitter, this is the time to join. Hashtags like #NBCfail make the entertainment value times one thousand.

The two highlights of watching the opening ceremonies were 1) reading all the hilarious tweets out there and 2) getting an email from a friend that began, "Hi! A little confused by the opening ceremonies. (Mary Poppins is going to save us from Voldemort???)."

So true, HP. So true. (No, my friend isn't really Harry Potter. It's just cool that they share the same initials.)

Random but I have no idea what Bela Karolyi says during interviews but I know I agree with him wholeheartedly. (Oh Jordyn.)

#2: Caleb is crawling! Yes, it's true and it makes me so happy. For weeks, he had been trying and just wound up shrieking at me from the floor. All day long, my days were filled with SHRIEK! SHRIEK! I'm pretty sure pre-crawling, shrieking babies are a defense tactic used by Jason Bourne. No one can handle it without losing their mind.

Finally, Joe started working with him, coaching him on how to crawl. And would you believe me if I said it worked? Because, pass me some sugar, darling. It totally did.

Caleb is such a happier baby these days and is crawling all around the house. And when baby crawling becomes an Olympic sport, Joe will be the sport's Bela Karolyi. Minus the mustache. Or maybe....

#3: Madeline still says "stolers" instead of "thieves." It just makes me heart swell and I don't correct her. Sue me.

#4: I ate cream cheese! At a girls night out, I was so hungry and broke down and ate a Mexican dip with cream cheese and cheddar. I figured I would just pump and dump so then I spooned a heap of Cool Whip on strawberry pie and contemplated grabbing queso on the way home. (Go big AND go home??) Then I forgot to pump at 2 a.m. but, like a gift from heaven, Caleb did just fine the next day.

{insert wild screaming and whooping}

So I've now eaten a bit of dairy for the last five days and Caleb continues to do great. Yesterday I made chicken tacos and cornbread. I asked Joe what he thought my bit of dairy would be. He knows me well. Not sour cream. Not cheddar. He totally called it: butter on the cornbread. A big smear of butter on a warm slice of cornbread. It was bliss.

Now I'm off to watch teeny-tiny men bounce across a pink floor while I raise my root beer to them.

P.S. I love you Missy Franklin!!

Not too shabby if the day ends with "Big Brother"

One thing motherhood has reminded me of more and more is my introvertedness. (I can't believe Spellchecker doesn't think introvertedness is a word. I challenge you to Scrabble, Spellchecker. Bring it on.)

Introverted doesn't mean shy. It means these people get energized by time spent alone. Which is me with a capital K-A-T-I-E. (If I could play Scrabble by myself, I totally would.) 

(That last sentence is basically a confession subtitled nerd alert.)

I love hanging out with people, doing things with groups and having a loud, fun time but within a large group, I'd rather spend time talking in a smaller group. And after a bit and especially after several days of non-stop party mania (which in no way describes my life; I just felt like writing that), I start to unravel and need to regroup. 

After a chaotic Tuesday , I desperately needed to regroup with a chill day which was what today was.

I woke up and played with Caleb for a bit in my bed, trying to let Madeline sleep as long as possible. (Let me be clear: play time with Caleb really translates to "I squeezed his chunky thighs repeatedly and tickled him over and over to see those four adorable teeth.) Once Madeline was up, it was Caleb's turn to go back down and I just relish spending one-on-one time with my kiddos. She and I read on the couch for forever. We read through all of her library books again and read one chapter in "Mary Poppins Comes Back." 

Now I like these Mary Poppins books. I really do. But the chapters are horrendously long, like 30 - 35 pages. Maybe I'm a super slow reader-out-louder but this means it takes me about 45 - 60 minutes to read one chapter. I'm not entirely opposed to reading for that long but only accomplishing one chapter feels like the equivalent of accomplishing nothing. At least the chapters in "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland" were short and we would read several chapters at a time. Hence, I felt like I got way more done.

Once Caleb woke up, we slowly ate lunch while playing "Clues," Madeline's new favorite game when you give someone three clues to guess what you're thinking about. Then we headed to the library where Madeline sadly realized she's already received every single prize offered and now we're getting more Bob the Glob. We managed to talk with all of our favorite librarians except our very favorite one and that statement there pretty much seals my status as Nerd Forever. Madeline created a house out of Legos and wanted to do a silly face when I took her picture. Isn't it lovely?

And can't I just add how much I love that her t-shirt says "Fury"? (It's one of Joanna's old soccer t-shirts so, of course, Madeline wants to wear it every day until it falls off her back.)

Then it was home for naps because we had a really fun night planned. We went to Joe's cousin's house for dinner and "Big Brother." That's probably something I should be ashamed to admit but I'm not. Several summers ago, Joe and I got hooked on "Big Brother" (the drama! the alliances! the Rachel!) and now I can't stop and don't even want to. And I was excited to watch it with Steve and Christina because it's more fun to make fun to people with other people. (Is that ok to admit out loud?)

We ate French dip sandwiches and if they were in front of me right now, I would totally eat four more. They were sooooooo good and I will dream of beef and mayo and crusty bread. (By myself in my dreams, of course. I'm introverted, you know.)

P.S. I apologize for all the parentheses. (Apparently I'm in a parenthetical mood.) (See! I just can't stop.)

Among everything else, a free tip on food photography

Friday was the last day of VBS and Madeline is now ON FIRE for Jesus. She had an awesome week and keeps telling me how much she loves God and how she wants to live within His promises.

She's also taken to carrying her Bible around because "Pastor Don said to read it every day." We got a Bible beater, y'all. 

But seriously, I'm loving her heart for God and for others right now. Ever since I carried her around inside of me, I've prayed that this child of mine would love God with all her heart, with all her mind and with all her soul so talking to her about God and His love for us just thrills me to my marrow.

This past weekend went down smooth and easy. Friday night was a "Minute to Win It" party with Joe's cousins. In related news, I will never ever compete on that show because I cannot win it. Not even with 100 minutes. (Playing card in a watermelon? Switching empty and filled cans on top of each other? Impossible in 100 years for this girl.) But if there is a reality show for sitting around with other women and discussing quinoa and braids, I'm totally in and will stomp the other competition.

We woke up early on Saturday morning to attend a homeschool seminar. (That's when I felt like an official adult.) Then we napped. We lazed about. Popcorn was eaten and it was good. (These are the parts when I feel like a kid again.)

Joe took yesterday off too because we celebrated our seventh wedding anniversary.

We spent the day with our beautiful kiddos, not doing much but having a wonderful family day. It's hard to believe it's been seven years since I walked down the aisle without my bouquet, only because I was so fixed on seeing him and promising to be with him forever.

On a whim, Joe decided to make pies. Specifically, two dairy-free pies. I can totally get behind whims like these.

This is the part where I tell you all about my amazing e-book on food photography. I know you all are looking at this photo and are thinking, "OH MY WORD, I have two questions for you, Katie. Number one: How can I make pies as delicious looking as that? Number two: How can I take pictures that are as appetizing, as drool-worthy, as you always take? 

Well, here's a free tip: always, ALWAYS take a picture of your food near a used hair tie. This bumps up the appeal factor by about ONE THOUSAND PERCENT. And make sure to place it so close to the food that it is impossible to crop out.

I had to take a picture because when Joe pulled them out of the fridge, they looked so spectacular. Unfortunately, I couldn't translate this through the lens but believe me when I say, they were scrumptious.

And I may or may not have eaten another slice tonight at 11 p.m.

He bit his bottom lip and she gave a kiss. Swoon.

Today we actually woke up with enough time to get ready peacefully and eat breakfast at the table like normal humans. (Unlike yesterday when we got ready in a panic like we were about to miss the last helicopter out of Vietnam and breakfast was served in the car.)

We even had some time for pictures because Madeline was so excited about bringing her horse Sandy to VBS and these two (three) need to be captured for future generations.

I wanted one good shot but they were too interested in each other to notice me. When he's not crying, Madeline finds everything about Caleb hilarious.

And then she started showing off Sandy's finer aesthetic qualities which Caleb found fascinating.

Then it was time to just sit back in awe. But in my head, I heard Sandy whispering, "Help." See her crazed eye? Total cry for help.

Sometimes I think if Caleb bites that bottom lip one more time, my heart will definitely explode.

And then Madeline got lovey-dovey and my heart really did shatter in a million pieces.

To mis-quote Colonel Nathan Jessup, "YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE CUTE."

And then I took a picture of my pan. I'm sorry.

Dropping Madeline off for three hours of VBS every morning is making our week fly by. We don't back home until 1 p.m. and then it's lunch and naps so Madeline, Caleb and I really don't really spend time together until 4 p.m. or so. It's odd and we're staying up way too late because Joe is working hard and coming home late while we're playing princesses and reading library books and suddenly it's 9 p.m. and I haven't eaten dinner.

And then I'm all RAWR.

This morning, the kids kept sleeping and sleeping until I finally woke them at 8:30 a.m. because VBS starts at 9 a.m. and is 20 minutes away. You know the phrase, "Never wake a sleeping baby"? Well I believe in that with my whole heart and it pains me to wake even the 5-year-old.

Caleb fell asleep in the car on the way back home and I should have used his nap time to be super productive.

Instead I made an amazing breakfast sandwich (egg, bacon, spinach), read my Bible study (Kelly Minter's "Nehemiah" study) and fixed my hair for the first time in a long time (anyone else avoid their hot iron when it's 702 degrees out?).

(I don't know why I blog such details and honestly, why did I take a picture of the pan?? It's not pretty but I was just so excited when I was cooking it. Clearly my life is thrilling.) 

It was so nice to have a little time to myself but I kept peeking on Caleb because I nearly can't handle the cutest when he's awake but when he's asleep? Shut the front door. It's too much.

But then he wakes up and is all smiles and "Oh I know I'm pretty cute but I'll just flash you my four teeth to really make you swoon." 

I wanted to take a picture because he was being so so adorable and, let's face it, I couldn't waste the hair and make-up on just the VBS pick-up line.

If only he shared the whistle...

Today was silly hat day at VBS. Madeline's first choice was her princess tiara from Disney on Ice. But the velcro kept pulling on her hair so she switched last-minute to the light-up cowgirl hat. I thought it was a smart decision.

Caleb and I stayed in the back for a few minutes to watch the worship. I LOVE hearing 500+ little voices screaming and watching tiny bodies jump up and down for Jesus.

Funny story of the day: Joe's cousin David works at Chick-fil-A so, of course, he's basically a celebrity in Madeline's eyes. This week, he is on the VBS worship team and IS ON THE STAGE, MAMA. This has now sealed his status as TOTAL AND UTTER ROCKSTAR in Madeline's eyes. 

He was also in a skit today but his character wasn't nice and wouldn't share his whistle with someone. This unsettled Madeline to her core. HER CORE, PEOPLE.

On the car ride home, Madeline went on and on and on about how "upset and disappointed" she was that David didn't share. This led to a pretty convoluted explanation on acting, characters and skits and I'll be the first to admit I did a pretty poor job. (It's harder than you think!)

After discussing this for the entire 20-minute car ride, Madeline hopped out of her seat, turned to me and said, "David still should have shared his whistle."

Let us all pray his character is nicer tomorrow.

The long, fun-filled morning (let's face it, the deep discussion on David's spiritual status) meant Madeline was wiped for the afternoon. After her nap, she woke up, collapsed next to me on the couch and fell back asleep.

Thank you, VBS.

If you can't read it, the bib says "Star of Mommy's Blog."

Yes. Yes, he is.

These kids might exhaust me but dude. I love them more than a mash-up of Adele, butter and essie nail polish.

VBS and my one weakness

Growing up in a Christian home means I have lots of vivid memories of Vacation Bible School. 

There was the year I got horrible, awful poison ivy and relished lying on the cool, wooden pew in the dark sanctuary all by myself. 

There was the year my mom planned a VBS which kicked-off with a torch relay, circa Atlanta Summer Olympics. 

Then there was the year of a performance of Three Billy Goats Gruff and I'm pretty sure I was a bridge post. (I have no idea what the spiritual tie-in was.)

Today was Madeline’s first day of VBS. She didn’t realize what all was about to go down so I was way more excited for her than she was. But afterwards? She loved it and can't wait to go back tomorrow.

While she was there, Caleb and I tooled around Half Price Books, the fancy Goodwill and the Goodwill Outlet.

He is such a good baby when he’s not crying or fighting sleep and like his mama, he also enjoys waiting for the bins to roll out.

We found several books that I was really excited about, including my fourth Gyo Fujikawa book of poems. I think I have an addiction to her illustrations despite having no idea how to pronounce her name.

As my beloved Dorcas Lane would say, "In a sea of used books, Gyo Fujikawa is my one weakness."

Dorcas is the postmistress of Candleford so she would never actually say that. I'm sad to report I finished the entire series of "Lark Rise to Candleford." I feel like my friends have left me alone with The Hulk and Ironman. 

But I'll always have Gyo. Four of her, to be exact.

Because Pinterest and "Ironman 2" are totally Summer 2012

I think we lived nine weekends in this past weekend. Buckle up. Much like my parent's dachshunds, this is a long one.

First, I cannot stare at this picture enough. Until I look at the chub face in the flesh and get locked into those dreamy blues.

This weekend shall go down as the weekend I spent in prayer which, sadly, I can't say I do often. 

My cousin and his wife had their first baby last Sunday, Molly Anne. (Isn't that the cutest name?!) But then she got sick and then sicker. And by Friday morning, the doctors were going to try a new medicine for a couple hours but if it didn't work, she was going to be Lifelined to a different hospital that afternoon to wait for a heart transplant.

My family was desperate for prayer. I could do nothing but pray. Truly, I couldn't focus on anything but pray and hug and kiss my babies. I put off nap time until 3 p.m. because I just couldn't bear to not see their faces.

Incredibly, miraculously, Molly is doing better. The doctors can't believe how good she's doing. If you can, please pray she continues to do better but my family knows she's a miracle.

I also spent Friday praying for Courtney and Jason because their precious Sydney Kelley entered the world that night. I'm an aunt again and can I just tell you how it thrills my heart to know another tiny soul is in my family.

To finish off Friday, we met friends for dinner. (Hi, Sarah!) It's friends who sadly left Indiana for the barren wasteland of Ohio (oh, I jest; I just wish they'd move back) and I was so glad we got to see them during a trip back. 

Here's a free tip: when having dinner out with a 5-year-old, 3-year-old, 10-month-old and 7-month-old, stick to your classic Mexican restaurant. The big bowls of salsa will get spilled but the noisy clatter makes it ideal to drown out the loud kiddos.

Also, I'm not sure if I can profoundly express how much joy I get out of coming home and realizing we're starting the weekend with a clean kitchen. THAT IS BLISS, PEOPLE. BLISS.

We had a perfectly lazy Saturday. We played Qwirkle. (Which I picked up at the Goodwill Outlet for $1.62. Holla.) We ate leftover fajitas. We napped.

Then we celebrated my dad's birthday that night by bowling, eating pizza (just to clarify, I only smelled it and it smelled DELICIOUS) and watching Jim Gaffigan's "Mr. Universe."

This bit on Disney nearly made me cry.

And I'm sure Jim Gaffigan didn't think he could get any whiter but this You Tube video proves the opposite.

Before we left, my parents asked if Madeline and Brennan could spend Sunday night with them and Peter let us borrow his superhero DVD collection. We came home and watched "Thor" in bed. Oh, those movies. They have really locked down the niche of dumb yet gripping, haven't they? Or at least that's what I told myself at 1 a.m.

Sunday got off to the promise of a terrific start. Madeline packed her overnight bag before 6:30 a.m. That has to be some kind of record. And then I decided to put Caleb in the church nursery instead of our usual routine of attempting service in the sanctuary but really just spending most of the morning in the church coffee shop.

I dropped him off with kind but firm instructions to please, please, please page us if he so much as whimpered. He lasted about 50 minutes before falling apart. It took every bit of self-control to not sprint across the huge lobby like Phoebe Buffay.

Long story short, my Caleb Lamont and I smelled like coffee beans by the end of church.

Then it was my favorite meal of breakfast for lunch (pancakes! bacon! tater tots! eggs!) before naps. I fell asleep as we watched "The Hulk." I liked it but how it didn't sweep the Oscars is a wonder.

Joe had to work so I dropped Madeline off at Mimi and Poppi's, dropped a couple smooches on my nephews and met Joe at work. I had a super productive evening of googling "classical homeschool kindergarten" over and over again and tried to not type in "SOS I'm going to be a teacher soon so please send help now."

So then, out of sheer desperation and because I'm so tired to emailing websites to myself, I joined Pinterest. Yes. Yes I did. And no. No, I have no idea what I'm doing there. I'm tempted to close my eyes and just jab at the keyboard.

Then we picked up some super delicious Chinese food (I tried to not picture the kitchen in which my chicken was cooked) and watched "Ironman." I had seen it before but wanted to watch it again before watching "Ironman 2." 

Because I might be two years behind in my movies but I'm thoroughly committed to understanding the deep and complex story lines.

Now I'm wondering why I'm staying up to late blogging, pinning and movie-watching because Madeline has VBS this week and I have to get up early to pick her up at my parent's first.

Ten bucks says tomorrow's nap time will find me passed out on the couch.

The jigsaw puzzles totally rocked my week

I needed a chill week and that's exactly what last week was.

Madeline and I played dress-up with total access to my closet and jewelry box. She picked out the bridesmaid dress from Jason and Courtney's wedding for me to wear.

That might be the most unflattering photo ever, given that my head and arms look huge while I kick out some apparently itty-bitty baby feet.

Madeline treats my jewelry box like the Crown Jewels instead of being filled with every piece I ever bought at Target since 1995. 

And my high school class ring. (Yeah, I was that cool.)

We spent our mornings putting together 2250 puzzle pieces. It made my puzzle-loving heart so happy.

You will never guess what's under Madeline's cowgirl hat. OK, I'll tell you. She puts her gun under there. Because true cowgirls do that.

And when I asked to take her picture, she posed like this. Because true cowgirls do that.

I've been reading 30 books a day and I'm lucky if one of these is a book of my choice. In related news, Madeline is TOTALLY racking in the library summer reading points. Librarians know us by name. We maxxed out the number of books allowed to be checked out. It's almost embarrassing.

I should be researching kindergarten curriculum but instead I'm burning through "Lark Rise to Candleford," watching "Monarchy: The Royal Family at Work" on PBS, eating freezer pops, reading Little Critters for the 78th time and making Paula Deen's vegetable salad twice in one week. We've been swimming lots and celebrated two very special nephews who both begin with a B.

Keep it up, summer. You're treating us real nice, even if I can't have a Dilly bar.

P.S. Also, this is completely unrelated to how my summer is going but I think I've mentioned before how Joe and I love watching "Cops." Well, Indianapolis, keeping it classy as ever, just had its own police moment. If it was captured with a real film crew instead of a phone camera, it would totally be on the "Best of 'Cops.'"

P.S.S. If you watch "The Bachelorette," did you believe Sean lived at home?? I completely fell for it and thought the cookie crumbs equaled RUN EMILY RUN for about a minute 30.